Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I am falling~

I easily get tired lately.
Hmm. Why? I also don't know.
I just know, I had nightmare every night.
The next day morning, I feel like don't want to wake up and feeling tired.
Everyday working, face my supervisor, my pressure rise.
Tomorrow is last day for all of trainee.
Everyone are so happy and plan what to do after training for more than 4 months.
But I will still at CSC after this period. I will stay for 2 more weeks.
I decided to go back the day after I end my training.

Today go to eat with Chris, Hee, Chan HY, and also some other people.
I told Chris that I will go back the day after I finish my training alone, by bus.
He asked me why don't follow Jackie them go to Ipoh.
After he asked this question, only I realize that, I miss my family so much, especially my parents.
I really wish to meet my parents as soon as possible. I miss them so much.

Tonight, called back home. Because sister already 3 days didn't called me.
But something broke my heart.
I am so sick of this.
Why this thing happen again?
Why it happen so long time and can't stop?
What can I do to make it stop?
I am so sick of what is happening for these years.
Almost 3 year already, I came to PJ almost 2 years already, why don't you realize how long you in this condition?
Why will you let yourself in this condition?
You are hurting the people around you, you are making your family members in nightmare, you make us all disappointed again and again, you make us almost to give up on you already, you make your parents' health become worst, you are so ~!!!!!!!!
All those words, I really don't want to say it out, but you make me crazy, you make me couldn't take it anymore. I am almost collapse, but what can I do? I think all family members almost collapse, but what can we do?
We do everything that we can, spend money on you for doctor, give you all the things you want, but why don't you realize our concern?
You keep saying we didn't love you, this is just the words that you use for yourself for not getting better. You are so SELFISH.
You never think of your siblings, I don't care. But why you never think of your parents?
I am so sad to see our parents work so hard just to take care of you, not us, but you still said parents didn't love you.
Why you so hardhearted to judge your parents with those words?

What can I do?? T.T

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