【心情篇】害怕

怎么最近的我，

会有害怕的感觉？

祖母就快要走了，

可是我人却还在这里，

可能就连她清醒的最后一面都看不到。

家人的阻止，

让我想回家的念头怯步。

我逐渐的，

害怕起来。

害怕面对身边的朋友，

也不懂怎么面对身边的朋友。

我对自己到底是怎么一回事，

都搞不清楚。

因为最近，

心情的起伏太大了，

超越了我之前的纪录。

可能就是因为心情的转换，

令我自己变得害怕起来。

之前对着朋友，

虽不能说是有说不完的话题，

但是至少不会完全说不出话来。

可是这几天，

却让我达到了这种境界。

朋友问我，

你怎么那么静，不像你哦！

是的，

我完全想不到话题可以聊。

怎么搞的？

也不能说是不像我吧，

应该说是我回到了中学时期的我，

不说、不笑、不理…

我不要这样，

我要快乐！

我需要朋友，

一个可以看到我心情转变而提醒我的朋友，

一个可以时时刻刻提醒我要开心的朋友，

一个就够了，

会有吗？

我不想再有这种害怕的感觉，

朋友，

能不能帮帮我？

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~@@~

22nd February 2009, Sunday

Today plan to format my laptope and luckily get help from Chris.

He came here and help me format my laptope, using the original OS.

After that, we go to Mid-Valley.

Plan to watch Red Cliff at first but no seats already, so watch The Punisher.

Then we go had our lunch.

After lunch, still got time before movie, so go to the pet shop again.

I love the fish there, all so beautiful.

After that, go for movie. Hmm, just ok only.

The goverment cut so many, nice movie also become not nice.

After movie, 5pm, come back straight.

Suddenly feel moody again when reach home.

Why I always failed to control my emotions?

Can anyone help me?

看着那些鱼，想了好多。

人，怎么不能像鱼那样自由自在？

为什么一定要有烦恼？

为什么不能有那么好的环境，无忧无虑的过生活？

21st February 2009, Saturday

Today need to go to Time Square with Chye Hwee.

Lazy to go actually, but promise already, can't said no.

Go out at 1pm something.

Reach there almost 3pm already. 

Chye Hwee haven't take her lunch, so accompany her go to eat.

I just order a 芒果西米露, but it is not very nice, SS2 记得食 is better. XD

After that, shopping and shopping.

Jackie them go to Jogoya today for dinner.

Thought want asked them come fetch me after they eat, but they said may be will go watch movie.

So, since Chris said can fetch me, so asked him fetch me lor.

When the time Chris came, so heavy rain.

I get in his car with whole body wet. I wonder how Chye Hwee and her senior go back by LRT and motor.

Then we go to dinner at SS2.

When I came back, no one at home. All haven't back.

After awhile, Yan Yee them only came back.

Today I enjoying my shopping.^^

Thanks to Chye Hwee and her senior because accompany me shopping and thanks Chris for taking me back home. ^^

20th February 2009, Friday

Yeah, last day of working in this week.

Mr. Yap is going to meeting at 3pm, can have 2 hours relax time.

Eddie still haven't came back to his place today.

Today go in school had lunch.

After Yap go to meeting at IRIS there, we all are enjoying the time.

Tonight didn't go out take dinner, because Jackie and Ron them go to Serdang.

So I just cook at home.

Tomorrow go to Time Square with Chye Hwee.

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~TirEd~

19th February 2009, Thursday

Today really a tired day for me, don't know why.
Today lunch, go to the mamak stall in front of school.
I still have 2 sem to go, one year more to stay here.
But the food here, I really don't know how to gone through the coming days.
Working also eat at here, study also eat at here, I scare will vomit ler.@@
After work, don't know why, feel very tired.
Walked to Kean Aun's car, as usual, Land Rover there, long long way to walked, I keep quiet whole journey because really tired already.
Skip my dinner again tonight.
Not just feeling tired, but moody also.
I also wish can had dinner, but really no appetite. Think of eat, feel like want vomit. May be is because too moody and tired.
Chat with eldest sister, she said grandma's condition, really worried.
I am thinking the same question again, do I need to go back?
I am tired.

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~Wednesday*Week 7 of training~

18th February 2009, Thursday

Today suddenly log in many things to me. But this is a good thing also because I will have things to do.
Go to lunch with Chris and Teo near my house there. Teo's car is being broken last Friday.
He really is a very funny guy.
After came back from lunch, continue my work again.
Store log in more things to me at afternoon.
After work, wait for Kean Aun at lobby alone because Eddie is going out today.
Chris came down and tumpang his car back, hehe, because is much more nearier than Kean Aun's car. Kean Aun's car is always far far away.
Tonight dinner just me and Yan Yee because all guy at home become "住家男孩", they cook at home.
Tonight received a called from eldest sister, she told me just now she went to visit grandma.
Grandma is very weak now, and she was crying when she saw sister.
All of us don't know how long she can stay, she keep saying she cannot recover already.
I wonder do I need to go back and visit grandma?
Dad and mum said no need, if there is really anything happen, they will let me know.
Hmm.. I don't know, I am so confuse now.
I don't like (can say hate) the relatives there, but that is my grandma. If she really will go, do I need to go back at least once to visit her before that?
All things are still an unknown for us.
Depends on faith.
Wish her all the best, 阿弥陀佛~!

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~Tuesday~

17th February 2009, Tuesday
This morning, when alarm ringing, I still feel sleepy, sweat.
As usual, had my breakfast, today breakfast I took bread because yesterday went to buy with housemate, hehe.
As usual, go to work. When lunch time, called back to mum, asked her something because I feel uncomfortable these 2 days.
I wondering what is happen to my ear, so just take some advice from mum. Long long time didn't chat with mum.
After lunch, many tape drives came back from supplier repair.
Time to go back again.
Wait for Kean Aun downstairs.
Then as usual, walked a long long way to reach the car. Had dinner with Chris at SS2 "记得吃". This is the first time I went there. I don't even know got this restaurant.
This is the restaurant's menu.
Hmm.. Don't know what it call.=P
But nice also.
Kiwi西米露
芒果西米露

When came back, housemate told me router spoiled already. Sweat. Cannot online already.
Plan to arrange my report. I got drop down the activities everyday, so just add some sentence inside.
Luckily just now went for dinner with Chris, because when I came back, Ron still sleeping, they all haven't took their dinner.
When I go up sleep, they still haven't came back from dinner.

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【心情篇】最近

呵呵，
最近不懂怎么搞的，
不止心情乱糟糟的，
睡眠也好像变得不正常了。

是自己的心理作祟，
还是真的压力，
其实我自己也搞不懂。

原本以为，
自己已经是一个开心的人了，
可是好像太高估自己了。

还是学生的生活精彩些，
不需要每天做一样的东西，
过一样的生活，
学生的生活真的是多姿多彩。

呵呵，
可能因为最近家里真得太多事情发生了，
又接到消息说祖母的情况不稳定，
可能随时要回去。

呵呵，
总之，
就是一团糟啦。

最近这几天，
都好像不在状况下，
睡眠还算是蛮足够的，
可是还是会觉得累，
应该是睡不好吧。

而且很多时候，
都会在胡思乱想，
呵呵，
是时候什么都别想了，
好好的睡一觉。
晚安~! =^.^=

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16th February 2009, Monday

Today no mood at all.
What happen to me lately?
Every night can't sleep well, sure will woke up around 4am or 5am, then sleep again in not very good condition. Then wake up again and again until it's time to wake up.
Why this will happen? Am I too stress? I don't think so actually, because I am not thinking anything before I slept.
Last night, the feeling scares me. I thought I can't sleep again. But luckily can fall in sleep half an hour later after I lay on the bed.
Today feel like don't want to talk more.
Came in office, as usual, nothing much to do. I can't test the IRIS because my IC already broken.
I did not close my notebook when I came to work, so sms back to Yan Yee asked her help me shut down.
Today had lunch with them outside CSC, felt very tired. Don't know why.
Around 5pm, Eddie told me, Kean Aun called him said that they got OT today, so can't fetch us back.
So I sms Chris, asked him still got come back CSC or not, he called back me said got come back, so asked him fetch me back.
When on the way going back, Eddie received a called, Kean Aun called him, they can go back early.
Chris stop at my house, copy drama, and teach me a lot of things, thanks to him.
After bath, go dinner with housemate. This dinner is a very funny dinner.
This is because I shoot Yih Khang until he nothing to say. Hehe, finally can shoot him back.
Had a talk with father just now, seems like grandma's condition not very good.
Now just can depends on faith.
Wish her all the best.

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~WhaT daY iS It?~

15th February 2009, Sunday

What day is it?
I gone through a bad day today.
Whole day feeling moody.
Is it because didn't go out?
Afternoon had lunch with housemate at Paramount there.
After lunch, had a long chat with Ji Shon through phone, he called me.
Talk about problems I am facing now.
He said he can feel others emotions lately, this make him really tired and try his best to help.
Ya, I always want to be like him, feel what my sister is feeling now, but I don't have this ability.
I am learning, still in progress.
Didn't feel very hungry at night and don't have appetite to have dinner, so didn't go out with housemate to take dinner.
Jenson came today, long time didn't see him already, he is studying at Kampar now.
This morning when had talk with mum, she told me grandmum is not stable now.
Aikz. Life, is so vulnerable, and also very short.
I wish I can spend it in my own way, in the way I like.
But it doesn't not seems like so smooth.
Ya, this is life, life will never be smooth.

Going to Times Square this coming Saturday.
How to go? LRT? Sure.. XD

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【心情篇】一团糟

哭了

是的，
眼泪又那么的不听话，
自己夺眶而出了。

为什么？
眼泪，
怎么可以那么轻易的掉下？

曾经答应自己好多次了，
就还是那么的没用。

最近，
不懂怎么搞的，
很难控制自己的心情。

和自己说好了的心底话，
和自己心里约定好的约定，
都一直一直的没办法做到。

好讨厌现在的自己，
一个不能控制自己心里想什么的人。

虽然如此，
我还是可以在朋友面前做他们认识的慧虹，
只是纠缠在心里的事，
没人看得到。

今天的我，
完全的失控了。

虽然不是什么大事，
可是我却一而再的让眼泪放肆。

原本以为自己会控制得好好的，
下到来了楼下，
还是无法控制，
再让自己回到没人的房间里。

就这样，
上上下下了几次，
和妈妈通过电话后，
才能够控制着放肆的眼泪。

下午，
和朋友聊了好久的电话，
只知道，
我不懂该怎么回答他的话，
什么都只能说不知道，
因为他所说的，
我们都试过了、用过了，
可是。。。

真的好累，
人生就是这样的吗？
很可笑的是，
自己竟然连自己的心情、情绪都控制不了，
还配有朋友吗？

每天反反复复的重复着同样的工作，
又要为一些事情操心，
这样的生活，
谁受得了？

爸爸，妈妈，大姐，妹妹，弟弟，
我离乡背井来到这里念书，
还有半年，
就踏入二周年了，
好想你们、好爱你们。

我好像还不习惯没有你们的日子，
看着家乡在这里的同学、朋友，
我会不知不觉的很羡慕，
每天回到家，
有家常便饭，
可以耍耍小脾气，
这也是生活的乐趣。

但是，
在这里，
什么事情都是自己一个人，
开心的事情没能和你们一起分享，
伤心难过就一个人关起来房间里默默的承受。

今天的心情真的好不了，
虽然在别人面前说说笑笑，
虽然在msn里有说有笑，
但是心里的感受还真不好受。

心情乱糟糟的，
好像剪不断、理还乱。

算啦算啦~!
乱糟糟的心情，
让它乱吧~!
也不懂该怎么整理。
呵呵~!

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【心情篇】笑★下篇

人生，
终于要踏入另一个阶段了，
现在，
是适应那个阶段的日子。

来到了这一个全新的环境，
认识了好多好多不一样的人，
他们有的是不一样的人生目标。

很庆幸，
自己选择了这一个环境，
让我认识了不一样的人，
看到了不一样的事物，
间接的，
让我对生命的看法有了改变。

以前的我，
是盲目的追从，
也因为家里的事情，
日子就让它得过且过、过一天是一天。

但是认识了这一些人，
令我往后的日子里，
看见了自己应该走的路、应该定下的目标。

也让我对笑，
有了新的看法。

记得，
从一位很好的朋友身上，
学到了一个我从来没想过的事情。

一直以来，
笑对我来说，
只是掩饰自己的内心世界而已。
但是，
他却点醒了我，
他告诉我，
笑，
是因为要让自己快乐起来。

笑，
不是向别人交待，
而是向自己的心交待，
告诉它说，
是时候快乐起来了。

人生不就是这样吗？
做什么事情，
都要能对自己有个交待。

当一个人心情不好的时候，
看到别人的微笑，
很自然的，
也会跟着微笑。
这就是笑的魔力。

它并不只是能够让一个人开心起来，
它还可以让身边的人一样得到快乐。

记得那一天，
我坐了四个小时的车程，
才刚到八打灵，
就接到了家里的消息。
没办法之下，
和屋友借了电话打给妈妈，
所以让他们猜到我家里出了什么事。
过后，
一个人躲在房里哭泣。

当事情告一段落时，
我才安下心来，
整理自己的杂乱的心情。

下到楼下的时候，
屋友就问我还好吗。
就是他们那张脸上少许的微笑，
令我的心情平复了许多。

谢谢那些以微笑来平复我心情的朋友，
你们让我看到了，
只要还活在这个世界上，
就会有希望。

笑，
已经不再是掩饰自己心情的工具，
而是令自己快乐的工具，
谢谢你，
让我领悟了这个道理。

很高兴，
身边有这样的朋友。
虽然很多时候，
都是在逗我、和我开玩笑，
但是至少有你们在的时候，
我不会伤心难过，
谢谢你们。

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~Lonely Valentines XD~

14th February 2009, Saturday

This year Valentines is at Saturday. A very boring Saturday.
Wake up at 4am something and can't fall asleep already.
Received Chris message early in the morning, he doing called since 3am.
Hmm, engineer life same like doctor? Also need standby 24 hours?
Wake up, washed clothes, clean the part of house that responsible, and nothing to do already.
Had lunch with Chris after his 10am called. He brought me to eat "shark fin noodles" near Paramount.
After lunch, continue my boring life again.
Chris go back home sleep because he already days did not had a good sleep.
No drama to watch already because Yan Yee didn't came back since Thursday, cannot update drama from her.
Actually Ron them plan to go to Sungai Wang tonight because got concert there. But since I not sleep well, Jackie also don't want go, so he also didn't go.
So we cancel our Sungai Wang plan.
Go to have a nap at 5pm and wake up at 6pm.
Dinner we took McD because Ron got voucher for it.
Came back from dinner, Chris called me.
He is going to "yam cha" with his brothers.
So nice, got activities, no need to stay at home boring like me.

Gone through a very boring day today at home.
Tomorrow still got one day. How to spend the day tomorrow?
Hope to go for movie, but who want? Aikz.. Sienz..

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~Happy Valentine to all my friends~

13th February 2009, Friday

Today is just a normal day for me.
Nothing happened. Just a very normal day.
Go to work as usual, come back from work as usual.
Didn't go anywhere.
I started wondering, can I gone through such a boring life after graduate?
Is better stay here working or go back Butterworth working?
If stay far away from family, the daily life is just like now, go to work, come back, face computer, sleeping, and the next day arrive again.
If stay with family, then can spend the time with family and do other things after work.
But Butterworth seems like a very small town that have very less IT company.

Anyway, there still a long way for me to go.
I still don't know can I pass Year 3 and graduate successfully.

After dinner, had a long chat with cousin.
She said this is the first time she think Malaysia is good.
Australia is summer day now and very hot.
I am so happy because I can saw her through webcam, she has one at there.
She not much different, just can feel her loneliness at her face.

Tomorrow is Valentine already.
May be for some people, this day is a very special day.
But for me, just a very normal day like usual.
Tomorrow housemate will be going out, just left me alone. T.T
I know for some people, will be a sad day for them.
But I still hope that all of my friends will have a wonderful day tomorrow.
No matter who, couple or non-couple, wish you all will have a great day.

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~Week6~Thursday~

12th February 2009, Thursday

Still need to work for 2 days only can rest.
Why this week I so blur and don’t like to go to work?
What happen to me?
Today also nothing much to do.
But after lunch, Yap asked Phuah pass some of his things for me. This is because he busying for the Lenovo laptope and his Cisco and IRIS already many didn’t settle.
Yap want Phuah pass me IRIS, means from now on, I will be handling IRIS.
It is a new thing for me, I hope I can handle it.
After work, as usual, walked to Kean Aun’s car. He everyday parked very far, so tired.
Chris called me while we heading home. He thought that I still in MRC because he saw Yap is briefing with them who is Lenovo support team.
Chris said that he got called tonight at 8am near CSC and tomorrow 3am near Sunway.
This week he standby, so this is the life of engineer. He asked me don’t follow his footstep. He doesn’t want me get in his field.
Tonight, all of them cook at home, I also cook at home and eat at home.
After eating, Kean Aun came, and we go to Digital Mall because he want buy phone and I want to see the price.
Chris called me again when I in Kean Aun’s car. Just now he said find me after his called.
Since I am going out, he said he go back eat and rest early because tomorrow got call at 3am.
Kean Aun bought K770 at RM580.
I already headache when I going out. So just went back after he bought the phone.
Come back, chat awhile with Chris and Shon.
Just now sister asked me this Saturday got go out or not.
Many people asked me got people date me or not, Chan, Cheong, other also asked like that.
Why must got people date me? I already mention it in my earlier post, if as a friend, I will be grateful to go out, if other motive, thanks but I will not going.

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【心情篇】想念

表妹去了Australia已经一个星期了。
开始想念在远方的她了。

前几晚，
有和她在msn里聊了一下，
多多少少知道一些她在那里的状况。

昨晚，
她给了我她的部落格，
我也很雀跃的上去看了。
却发现，
记录的并不是开心的事情，
而是到了远方，
一个人孤单生活的情怀。

没有任何的亲戚，
没有任何的朋友，
没有任何人的帮忙，
去到一个完全不熟悉的环境。

吃饭一个人，
上学一个人，
听课一个人，
塔巴士一个人，
在学校里走动一个人，
申请学生证也是一个人，
什么事情都是一个人。

这种感觉，
我想了都想哭，
因为我害怕一个人的感觉，
害怕孤独寂寞的感觉，
很佩服她会这么的坚强。

虽说我害怕孤独寂寞的感觉，
但是内心深处，
依然是孤独寂寞的。
或许，
我早已习惯内心的寂寞，
只是不习惯身边没人陪伴做任何事情。

好坚强的表妹，
我好想念你，
如果今天出了国的人是我，
我想我一定会每天以泪洗脸。

当初我离乡背井，
到这里来念书的时候，
我都没有那么的想念大家。
或许是因为这里怎样都算是近距离吧。

一个人离乡背井，
到一个完全陌生的国家，
就为了追求自己的梦想，
表妹，
你让我很敬佩。

说穿了，
是自己不够独立。
离开家里的日子都一年多了，
可是还是没有完完全全的独立。

表妹，
希望你在那里真的可以学成归来。
祝福你～

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【心情篇】错过

错过。
我真的不想再错过了。

这些年来，
自己好像朦朦胧胧中错过了好多事情。

中学时期，
因为害怕自己担当不来的责任，
错过了能够拿高职位的机会。
也因为没勇气，
而错过了真挚的友情。

因为前途，
错过了照顾妹妹的黄金时期。

上了大学，
因为一时的意气，
错过了和朋友一起出外游玩的机会。

工作了，
更因为“不好意思”，
而错过了和同事相处的时间。

是不是什么事情都不要再考虑，
只要有人给我机会，
无论是去哪里，
或是做什么，
都不要再考虑就答应吗？

我错过的东西实在是太多太多了，
是否可以不要再错过了？

虽然是他/她主动提出，
但是又有些不好意思，
我是不是不要再错过？

之前也错过了好多次机会和时间，
这一次，
该推掉呢？
还是接受建议？

有些矛盾，
有些为难，
有些难以抉择，
说穿了，
我还是害怕别人的眼光，
害怕别人的闲言闲语。

虽然很清楚自己不需要理会别人，
可是还是会情不自禁的去介意。

不想再错过了。
不要再让自己的人生有遗憾。
我该做这样的决定吗？

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~dEclaRatiOn~

11th January 2009, Wednesday

Today also very blur.
Feel scared in the morning because of younger sister.
But nothing I can do since I am here, not at hometown.
Lunch time, go to eat with Chris and his boss, Hee.
After lunch, Chris went to call. But saw him around 4.30pm.
He told me he can go home already and prepare to go home sleep.

As usual, after work, walked a long way to Kean Aun’s car.
Eddie asked me something that I really don’t understand while walking to Kean Aun’s car.
He asked me this Satuday free or not. I said I am free, he said unbelievable that I am free.
I really don’t understand why everyone think that me and Chris in relationship.
We just friend. A very best friend.
I really happy and appreciate I can meet a friend like him.
From now on, I don’t care what u all will think and said already because both of us know very clear that we are just very best friends that can share everything.
May be many things I will rely on him, but he still have his own life and I still have mine.
Chan asked me before, anyone invite me during Valentines. There is no one.
I also don’t want people invite me on that day. If invite me as a friend and celebrate together, is ok, but not other motive. I still haven’t ready yet for a new relationship.
So, I am here to say sorry to who invite me for many times but I reject.
Too much things I am worry about, I don’t want to find another thing to worry about.
This is all I want to say.

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~bad day~

10th February 2009, Tuesday

Today I had gone through a very boring time at office.

I don’t know why I will feel very “blur” today.

This morning when Chan came in MRC, he said I looks like haven’t wake up yet.

Then whole morning nothing log in to me.

Finally gave Chris the things I buy for him. I almost forget already and he called me at 10am, said I should have something to give to him.

Sister told me yesterday, that grandmother want to gone through the surgery. Before that, doctor told us, grandmother is very old already, if go for surgery, may be the narcotics will make her cannot wake up after the surgery, which means pass away.

Aikz. I don’t know, all this decision is depends on father and his siblings.

Something happened at 5.10pm.

Sister called me, crying, crying and crying. Nothing I can do.

I just can stay beside the phone and accompany her as what I said she also can’t listen in her mind.

I stay at toilet answering the called for half and hour more, may be 40 minutes. I disappear for so long, don’t know Yap will say what or not.

Chris sms me when I am answering sister’s called. I just can reply his message only after I hang up the phone with sister. She really made me worried and I am almost desperate.

I am so tired after this called. Chris is coming back to CSC after his called because our plan is go to “牛车水”.

But since the weather is not good and raining, so we decided not to go. This is also because he already tired and me neither. I don’t have any mood to go there also. So he took me and Eddie back home.

After bath, go to dinner with Yan Yee. Jackie them go with Cheese.

I am trying my best to make myself looks like nothing happen. I hope this is helpful and no one knows what happened just now.

Chris sms me, asked me not to think so much just while after I reach home, before I bath.

Kean Aun also asked me ok or not. Thanks to all of your concern.

Just give me some time and I will be fine.

Chris told me he was fixing his car after drop me.

He called me around 8.15pm said that he just reach home and asked me don’t think too much.

Eldest sister called me just after close phone with Chris. She told me younger sister’s condition. Aikz. Headache. What can I do?

Chat with Chris awhile. He told me his brother buy a new 5800. After chat awhile, he said he going to Setapak with his mother. After that, chat with Chan awhile then go to sleep already.

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~anOtheR boRinG dAy~

9th January 2009 Monday

Today actually me and Chris plan to go to his Setapak house watch movie using his 32inches screen. After that, we will go his friend’s shop tonight to see the lion dance.
But he told me last Friday that he have call today at 10am.
He sms to me said that 10am call is confirm this morning and will called me after the work done.
Around 2pm, he called me said that haven’t done his work and haven’t take lunch and breakfast until now. Now going to take lunch and after that go back to work again.
Housemate plan to cook Pasta today for lunch. Jackie them go to buy the cheese powder around 1pm and come back before 2pm.
When Chris called me, we were cooking the Pasta.
We 4 people, me, Jackie, Ron and Zhi Wei, we cooked and estimate the price is around RM40.
After that, continue the activities that I did whole day which is online and watching drama.
Chris called me again before 6pm, he just done his job and asked me want go to his friend’s there or not.
But since I already whole day at home, very lazy to go out, so told him don’t want go already
He said if tomorrow night no call, then will take me to “牛车水”, hehe, I want see the lantern.
Hopefully he didn’t have call tomorrow night.
Go to pasar malam with housemate.
But did not buy anything also. Actually I am finding a pendant with green color and rectangular in shape.
Hope can find it.
Tonight finally can have a chat with cousin, Si Qi already.
She went to Australia for days already, studying there.
She said the toilet and room there do not have lock.
Sweat. Australia lifestyle really hard for us to get in.
Hope she will get use to it and good luck to her at there.
Alone there, no relatives, just herself. Wish her all the best.

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~SundaY- 1U~

8th January 2009 Sunday

Today not much different like yesterday, also is a boring day.
Yesterday we plan to go to shopping after Ron back from singing K.
Ron came back at 3.30pm.
We go to 1U at 5pm.
We just walked here and there and looked around. Did not buy anything.
After that, we had Pizza for our dinner. After eating, we sit there chit-chatting until 9pm.
I want to buy some Maggie to put in house so that if I am lazy to go out, then still have things to eat.
So we go to Jusco to buy those things.
I sms Chris when we walked into Jusco because I want to know tomorrow what is the plan if his called end late.
He called me back after awhile. He said the called not yet sure, he will call the client tomorrow to confirm and will call me tomorrow.
After that, Jackie went to Guardian buy shampoo.
When we came out from 1U, there was traffic jam because it is 10pm.

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【心情篇】笑★上篇

笑

最近常常有人问我，“你是不是很喜欢笑？从来没有看过你是没有笑的。”
我真的时常笑吗？

是的，上了大学之后，不管遇到多烦恼的事，我都会笑着去面对。。

当然，还是会有心情不好的时候。。
只是脸黑的时间，都不会很长，而且通常都是一个人的时候。。

所以每当别人问我的时候，我都会回答：“笑着对人不是更好吗？为什么要黑着脸对人？”

自己心情不好，就要学会自己控制自己的情绪。。
已经几岁了，不再是小孩子了，难道还要发小姐脾气吗？

身边一些朋友，有些是会发小姐脾气的。
当看到朋友这样的时候，很自然的反应就是躲开他/她，谁会知道会不会无缘无故被子弹射伤。

我常常在想，不能让别人见识到自己的脆弱。
所以最好的掩饰方法，就是笑。

记得曾经因为压力，而在学校里不能控制的留下了眼泪。
但是，又很自然的比自己停止，不能让眼泪放肆，逼自己挤出微笑来回答朋友的问题。

当自己心情很不好，很想发脾气的时候，我还是一样拼命的逼自己笑。
那是因为，我不想对着身边的人发脾气。
心情不好，是自己修养不够，没能控制自己的情绪。
这并不是其他人的错，也没有人欠我任何东西，我凭什么去对他们发脾气？

笑，是一门很深的学问。
我，还不算是完全的学会了。

可是，上了大学，我的确学了很多。
笑得多了，反而让身边的人说我发疯。
不过还是有些朋友是知道我为什么一直笑。

他/她说：“为什么你一直笑？不好笑的东西也一直笑？”
我说：“笑是一件好事啊！”
这答案是我到目前为止，回答所有问我这问题的人。
他/她说：“你可以用笑来隐瞒全世界的人你的内心世界，但是我却看得出你只是为了掩饰你内心的恐惧，脆弱。”

终于，还是被人看透了。
但是，在他/她面前，我还是以笑待人。

记得和室友闹事的那段时间，我的处理方式，就是静静地面对。
虽然屋友有帮忙，但是还是解决不了。

有人却问我，为什么我会这么坚强。

我坚强吗？
我并不认为，因为我选择了懦弱的方法来面对。
但是，还是有人说我坚强。

我一点也不坚强，遇到伤心难过的事情，
我还是会躲起来哭，
哭完之后，出来面对人时，
就会微笑。

这或许是自己定下的原则吧。
就是无论如何，都要保持微笑。

笑的意义，
逐渐的变成了掩饰自己心情的工具。

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~bOriNg SatUrdaY~

7th January 2009 Saturday

Today really is a boring day.
Whole day don’t know do what. Just online and watching movie only.
Some of MRC colleague were working OT today because they have a lot of things to do.
Gary said will come find me at 5.30pm.
Jackie went out whole day.
After Gary came, I take him to Boon Peng’s house to pick up BP and Kean Aun, then I asked him to send me back home and I will follow my housemate.
We go to MS after Jackie reached.
Some of them I don’t know. I just know that this is a birthday party for someone that I don’t know. Sweat.
Actually not having fun there, very boring.
Kean Aun and Yee Chern also left very early because they said can’t get in there and eat.
Chris sms told me that he is in Casino and ready to play already.
After the party, we go to their house and they played porker.
I did not know how to play at all, so just sit there and watch.
After awhile, then go home. The party is so boring to me, next time I won’t attend the party like this anymore.

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【心情篇】故事的开始

曾经
在好多地方
开了属于自己的部落格
自己的心情写照
可是一段时间过后
就会懒得打理
终于来到了blogger开了属于自己的个人空间
Maple Leaf Street
那只是一个属于我记录生活点滴的地方
并不多含任何的心情写照
所以让自己又开了另一个
希望自己有时间打理吧
也希望可以把我的心情都写下来
或许不会每天更新
可能几个星期才会更新
可是就是希望
有时候自己的心事
会有人可以给些意见
而不是每一次自己默默地承受所有的压力
谢谢身边的好朋友
是他们
给了我很大的勇气
很大的鼓励
继续的走些去
不再回头看
谢谢你们

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~Friday*Lion Dance~

06th January 2009 Friday


Yesterday already received a new that, our company will have lion dance performance today.
This news was confirmed after lunch.
Early in the morning, people from other department already came in to see Yap to ask our department people’s help to go to OCBC Bank to scan virus.
So Yap sent Lawrence (New trainee from COMM2 to train laptope here) and also Eddie go to there.
Same as yesterday, Cheong and Wai Mun go to training and will be back on next Tuesday.
So whole department just left me, Yap, Esther, Phuah, Weng Woy, Johnson, Andrew and also Bob.
After lunch, they called to Yap, asked him to send more people to OCBC for help because they cannot handle it.
So Yap sent Johnson and Andrew there to help them.
Our department became quiet after they left.
That time, many customer carry in their laptope, so Weng Woy, Phuah, and Yap go to carry in, whole department just left me and Esther.
So scary, whole department and whole building so quiet.
After awhile, the lion dance team came, they start to go in each department.
After they enter all departments, they had performance at lobby, they throw coins and sweets.
That time already near 6pm, so I go upstairs take my bag and came down. The lion dance already went outside and jump the pillar.
After Kean Aun came down, we go back without watching the lion dance.
Tonight nothing much can do, whole night playing SDO-X season 2. @@

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~back to work after MC~

5th January 2009, Thursday

After one day MC, I go back to work again.

Today feel much better than yesterday already.

But the pain still hasn’t recovered all.

Luckily not much things to do today.

Don’t know why the cough medicine those given by the doctor make my throat more itch.

Chris asked me to go buy the medicine that he brought to me last time because that one I left at hometown, did not bring back here.

After lunch, me and Eddie go take our salary cheque.

Afternoon, saw Chris at store there, I asked him when can bring me to “牛车水” because I want go.

He said make it on Monday first because tonight I will go out with Kean Aun and tomorrow night he will be going to Genting until Sunday.

6pm, while waiting Kean Aun, I and Eddie at Integration department chatting. 

Chris passed by, so asked him to fetch me because I don’t know will wait Kean Aun until what time.

So me and Eddie follow Chris.

After come back awhile, sms Chris asked him got traffic jam or not.

He called back me, said very jam, because he is heading to KL to fetch his mother and asked me don’t blame myself for everything.

We chat until half an hour.

Many people talking about me and him, talking that we are having relationship.

Why all people must think that one guy and one girl is close, then they sure is couple?

Asked him did he mind how people think about us, he said he don’t mind. As long as he don’t mind, then is ok already.

Because he n me is just like me and Gary, we are very best friends. 

After that, go out had dinner with housemate. Chris called me again.

He forgot want asked me what in just now conversation, so he called back me now.

He asked me why my personal message put “希望，希望，却一直失望。失望，失望，到最后会是心灰意冷，还是失望？”

Actually just my feelings on everything that happened on me, family, friends, everything.

Kean Aun came at 8.30pm, we go to find Kai Hering first, and 3 of us go to Digital mall.

But did not ask anything also. Then go to bank to bank in our salary cheque.

Then go to minimarket buy medicine for cough, then go Guardian buy things.

I saw the roll that can cure “black eyes”, Chris and me find many Guardian and Watson also no stock.

So I buy one for him. 

After come back, when prepare go to sleep, sister called, said that grandmother admitted to hospital because she not feeling well.

Aikz. I hate this. Hate this news.

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~MC~

4th January 2009, Wednesday

Last night whole night cannot sleep. 

I go to bed at 11pm, but wake up at 12am and can’t sleep until the next morning.

It is because it’s too painful until I couldn’t breathe and couldn’t sleep at all.

Feel like want to go for doctor but already mid-night, who can take me go for doctor?

So I just wait till morning.

Called Mr. Yap to take MC today since I still feel very pain and whole night did not sleep.

Sms Chris told him I will take MC today, he asked me to go to see doctor.

But no one at home later because all go to school already.

He said he come to bring me see doctor only go to work.

He reached my home around the time Kean Aun come fetch me.

We go to the clinic at Sentosa, but haven’t opened.

So he took me to the clinic at SS2. 

I felt very pain until cannot talked. Once I talked, I will feel very pain.

After see the doctor, already 9.30am, Chris sent me back home only go to work.

Stay at home whole day, damn boring.

Online until afternoon only go to sleep, but did not feel very tired also.

When Chris online, he greet me, so I reply him, but scolded by him why don’t want go to rest and sleep, sweat.

Around 6.30pm, he called me asked me had dinner already or not.

But his hand phone no battery already, so we did not finish our conversation because he asking me want follow him to dinner with COMM2 people or not.

After awhile, he came to my house with Teo’s car and of course, Toe is inside also, asked me want go or not, at New Paris.

But since all is COMM2 people, just I am MRC, so I did not follow them.

After his dinner, around 9pm, he called me, said he is going to drink something with his friends.

After that, go sleep little bit early because little tired.

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~half day MC~

3rd January 2009 Tuesday

Today, as usual, go to work in the morning.

My cough hasn’t recovered thoroughly.

I felt very uncomfortable in the office.

I felt pain near my heart there which I also suffer once before when last semester break at hometown. That time was because of sister, we both cried together and I feel pain that time. I recovered after one or two days, I can’t remember already.

But today, the pain came again. Chris suppose to be on leave today but Chan called him yesterday and asked him came back today because got called.

Last night when he went back to his home, he sms me that he is the big winner that night.

I told him this morning that I felt uncomfortable, he thought I not sleep well, but I am sure is not this matter, just I not sure why.

He said find me eat lunch later.

So when lunch time, I wait for him at MRC.

While waiting him, I take a nap on my table, Yap asked me am I sick, I said yes, and he asked me to take MC.

But that time, I said no need because don’t want to take leave.

After that, Chris called me to go behind lift there.

I begin to felt very pain when I breathe.

I also don’t have appetite to have lunch that time.

Chris brought me to the restaurant near my house, Teo and Chan and his girlfriend, Jenny Mok already there when we reached.

I don’t eat lunch and all of them saw my uncomfortable face, they all asked me to take leave.

Chris said he will not send me back to CSC, he will directly sent me back home.

Chan said want called Yap but Chris called first and told Yap that he going to take me home after lunch.

After lunch, go back home and rest. After taking bath, sms to Kean Aun told him that I took MC. Then go to lay down and have rest.

Chris sms me asked me to rest and don’t online, anything called him. Sweat, I so pain until cannot talk already, still can online?

But after taking a nap, did not feel better, add one more thing, headache.

Chris called me after he done his called, around 5pm, that time I still very sick.

He said want come here take me see doctor. But I don’t want, I thought want wait until tomorrow see still pain or not. Some more he is in KL, go back Cheras is more convenient than come PJ then go back Cheras.

At night, go dinner with Yan Yee because 5 of them go to Mid-Valley after class, sweat, didn’t tell us.

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~back to work~

2nd January 2009 Monday

Today is the first day of working after Chinese New Year.
When I came in office, there are a lot of hard disk and tape drive left at my table, but most of them already tested by Phuah and Eddie, thanks to them.
So I just continue with paper work and also some tape drives that haven tested by them.
Chris called me around 9.30am when I am doing my work because he did not work. He said tonight bring me to his friend’s house take Ang Pao.
Today nothing log in to me, I just settle the things last week.
Afternoon, Kean Aun told me he may be will stay back, asked me to go back myself.
I thought about Chris, sms him asked him what time free and can come fetch me at CSC or not, he said ok.
Afternoon, meet Chan and Hee from COMM2. They told me a lot of Chris’s funny things. They also told me Chris went to do his car today.
When Chris reached CSC, haven’t 6pm, so asked him wait for awhile.
When come down, raining, Chris already reached in front of CSC waiting.
He take me and Eddie go back first, then he stay awhile at my house because he want copy “City of Ember” and I want to change clothes also.
Jackie them thought me and Chris are couple, sweat, we are just very best friends. Who said guys and girls cannot have a true friendship without any relationship feelings?
He brought me to Jusco at Cheras which near to his house because I want buy Green Tea.
At Jusco, he called his mother asked her whether she at home or not because he want brought me back to take Ang Pao. Hehe.
So after bought the things, go to his house.
His 2 sisters are at home. I had dinner with them awhile after I arrived.
Their family so friendly, I wonder when my family will like them, sit down together and have dinner together.
But “家家有本难念的经”, this is the conclusion we both get.
After dinner, he brought me to visit his room, so nice, can have own room and design by own.
I wonder when I will have my own room and design depends on my favorites.
Around 9.30pm, we go to his friend’s house which situated at a more high level housing area, the houses there are very beautiful and large.
His friend’s house very large also.
As we expected, everyone thought I am his girlfriend.
But as long as we know that we are best friends that can share everything, then is enough, no need to care about what people will say.
His friends came one by one and when all reach, they gambling.
After that, “Lau Sheng”, this is the first time for me.
Around 12am, Chris sent me home. He lose RM10 to his friends.
After he sending me back, he go back to his friend’s house again and continue.
I received his sms around 2.30am, he said he win RM30 and is the big winner in the game and reached home safely.

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～boring sunday～

1st January 2009

One month of 2009 past already.
Now only realize that, a lot of things happen in these past few months and years, a lot of things make me change, make me think differently.
Since the day I reached Petaling Jaya to study until now, already more than one year.
In this one year and more, I had learned a lot of things which cannot learn from any books.
I also saw many types of people that I never saw in primary school. For example, selfish people, puerility people, and many more.
I am still learning now, and as I learn more things, I notice that more things I can learn and there are a lot of things I still don’t know.
But sometimes, problems make me no mood to learn new things.

Today is a very boring day. Did not go anywhere.
Chris sms me at afternoon, he said he is at Nilai, his relatives house, he asked me want follow him go to dinner tonight or not.
But the dinner is at Cheras. How can I asked him come to fetch me to Cheras, then fetch me come back PJ, then go back Cheras again.
So I just said don’t want.
Whole day stay at home, doing nothing, no mood to do anything also.

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